How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
