i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
