Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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