So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize