I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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