Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
