How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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