there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
