fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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