I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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