Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
