just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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