I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
