you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
