my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
