I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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