so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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