Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You did what with his pubic hair?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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