I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
