Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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