he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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