Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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