we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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