Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
