There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
