I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
