I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
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It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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