So drunk its hurt
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
