I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
