They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
