Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
