idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
