She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
