She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
