we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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