I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
