"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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