I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
