My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
