You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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