just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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