if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
