Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
