Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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