Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
