I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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