Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
