I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
