I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
