I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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