It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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