No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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