I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
