I wannas sexs uuuuu
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
