don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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