on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
