I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
