The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
