He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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