I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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