I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My underwear smells like fireworks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
