It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
