i used baking grease as lip gloss
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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