well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize