I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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