My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
