it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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