I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
