:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
