She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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