Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
