have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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