What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
