I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
