Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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