were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize