I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
