Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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