Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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