he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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