i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we're so committed to being not committed
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
