No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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