I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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